Four days

[Soleil]

Hubby,

Very sweet - that's sums it all up.

[Hubby]

Thanks Jakers. I think I'm getting there slowly.

Had a big cry last night but got up for work OK and did what they asked of me. Did a shop on the way home and stopped off at Margarets grave. That's always upsetting but normally if I stay long enough I calm down and have s bit of a chinwag with her. Today I couldn't stay long for some reason. I just wanted to get away. Maybe it's because he stonemason has taken the stone for engraving her name.

I've got a letter from the hospital regarding the complaint I made about Margarets initial treatment. It's three pages long but basically says they are very sorry but they were busy that day. It gives me the option to take it further with he health ombudsman it have a meeting with them to discuss it. I think I'll go for the meeting. I don't want compensation or anyone reprimanded but I would like them to take another look at their triage and handover systems so that people in future are better prioritised.

It was extremely upsetting reading the letter. It covers the day she collapsed in some detail including some things that I didn't even remember. I've just glanced through it to the conclusion and will have to set aside a time to go through it properly.

I've not done any jobs since I came home. It's far too hot. I think I'll have a lazy night and a few shandys.

Hope your all coping with your days.

[Hubby]

Nothing much to report today.

Got up, did work, came home, had a little cry. A fairly nondescript day.

I have read through the letter amd decided I will definitely arrange a meeting. If nothing else I will have tried.

Hope you are all coping well.

[Hubby]

Today much like yesterday except I got upset on the way home from work and couldn't be bothered doing anything after that.

I've noticed I can't remember things I have to do. I knew I had five things to do today but could only remember three and even then it took me half the day to remember them. I'm going to have to start writing things down. Margaret would have reminded me of the things that needed doing and I relied on that. Now she isn't here I'm lost.

Oh how I wish she was here to nag remind me

[Soleil]

Hi Hubby.

It's still just the ups and downs. You'll get there eventually, don't be too hard on yourself.

 

[Emz2014]

My memory definitely got worse for a while after my loss, I'd even forget words.  I rely on a calendar app on my phone, 9 times out of 10 if it's not in there (or written down) I'll forget xx

[Norma]

The memory loss is i feel because theres far to much other stuff going round in our heads, and the loss of your beloved wife takes up 7/8 th of it, so theres not much room left for the everyday things, i have to write everything down on my calendar, or im sure id even forget what day it is sometimes, you are doing okay Hubby i always look forward to reading your posts and see how much easier your days seem to be. Xxx

 

[Karena]

Me too on the memory loss.
Good luck with the meeting.

[Hubby]

Thanks for all the replies. I'm pleased the memory loss isn't just me 'losing it'. It's put my mind at ease a little.

Yesterday I had a bit of overtime which I muddled through on my usual way without any problem. I got home to an empty house as my daughter had gone to see the drifters with her boyfriend. I was quite glad of the space and did myself a bit of a salad as a treat (my daughter won't eat salad so I don't often get the chance). I had a relaxing evening with a few cans and set off for bed when they got in.

I was about to post on here when I got a terrible sense of being totally alone. I decided to cheer myself up by looking through pictures of Margaret on my phone. Big mistake. I finally stopped crying at around 3am and woke up crying at 6. 

I got out of bed around 9 and couldn't do any of the jobs I had planned as it was raining off and on. So I had a bit of a couch potato day till my youngest came round with my grandson and her fiancée. I made a curry for tea and managed to slap a bit of primer paint around the kitchen door before having a bath ready for an early start tomorrow.

So there you have it ...

Yesterday ... Not too bad
Last night ... Horrible
Today ... Not too bad

Ups and downs. 

[Soleil]

Hi Hubby,

Sorry that it was a mistake to look at the pictures.  May I suggest that even though it will still be hard for quite a while, that when you want to look at them, you wait 20 minutes before you do. Maybe you'll have a better sense emotionally where you are at that moment. It's continually ups and downs for now and maybe for some time but considering it's only been about 4 months you have made progress. I think treating yourself to things you like is a great idea even if you don't find it pleasurable at the time.

Hope you have a good Monday and the rest of the week.

[Karena]

Hi hubby its a good idea to treat yourself.after the turmoil and the move I hated coming home at weekends,no work to distract no people to distract just empty days and nights,so I started a Friday night routine of treats,luxury bath and a bar of chocolate .It helped just to know it wouldn't be the same routine as every other night.

[Soleil]

Haha, Great idea Karena, a nice little something to look forward to just for you. Here's a little candle for your luxury bath.

 

[Hubby]

Thanks for the replies. A relaxing bath is out of the question for me. My Jack Russell, Billy, likes to charge up and down the bathroom and dump toys in the bath for me to throw for him. I'll have to fix myself a treat involving Southern Comfort or JD. 

Today I managed what seemed like a full day of the sort of work I did before I lost Margaret and I actually enjoyed doing real work for a change. One unforeseen consequences of that appeared when I took Billy for his walk. When it was time for us to head home I looked at him and said "Let's go and find grandma" (I'm his grandad, Margaret was his grandma). I haven't said that to him in months. I guess up to that point the day had been so normal (the old normal) I had settled into the routine and temporarily forgotten Margaret was gone. Just saying it brought me back to reality with a jolt and I walked back with tears streaming down my face.

After a while I got past it and managed to get a bit more painting done in the kitchen after tea and even polish everything in the bathroom.

So apart from the one setback today hasn't been too bad. I'll have my night time weep of course but I'm feeling pretty positive.

Hope your all doing well.

[Emz2014]

  xx

[Soleil]

Me too....