Six months

[Karena]

Our local church grave yard is next to the river and the footpath goes through it.Its a nice spot and even though I don't have a grave it is where the funeral was and just along the riverbank is where I planted the first daffodils so I walk through quite often.Once down there in the summer I saw a local family around their dads grave.I think maybe it was his birthday anniversary but they had a picnic rug and food his now grown u p grandchildren and their children were there as well as his widow and children.It was lovely to see.I know that some graveyards have rules and some people might think it was disrespectful but for me anyway I would like to think if I had a grave it would be somewhere people came together to celebrate,not a somber cold place.Which made me wonder if there is any way you could in the future take the sting away a bit and  make it a place with positives for Ollie ,so he will have that positivity associated with his Grandma. So maybe not this year, when its so raw and like I said there may be rules about what you can do but perhaps you and Olly could chose some decorations to take there for her , something fun that she would have liked .

[Hubby]

Thank you very much for the replies.

I'm a bit traditional when it comes to graves. Black granite, wreaths st Christmas,arrangements on anniversaries and fresh flowers. That's about it. I'm toying with the idea of shrubs and flowers in pots I can swap and change around. I don't know why I've got this sticking point with going there alone though. I just know hat it is not a safe place for me to be 

Yesterday I had a pretty reasonable day again. Kept busy in work, finished at six. Did a shop on the way home, cooked tea, made a salad for me and one for my youngest to take to work and made a stew in the slow cooker for today. Then I had a bath and set off for bed and to come on he forum. Unfortunately, for some unknown reason, I got very upset with worries I thought I had dealt with resurfacing and never managed to pull myself together enough to go online.

Today has been pretty much the same. Kept busy in work. Came home but no cooking to do and a lovely stew waiting so I'm taking it easy. No upset ... yet and I'm hoping there won't be.

More good than bad over there days though.

Hope everybody else has had good days.

[Karena]

  Is there somewhere else you could go perhaps somewhere she loved or you both did where you can still talk too her and reflect.I don't have a grave but someone once said I needed a place to grieve so I have a little place by the river to coin a phrase or rather a song somewhere only I know.I don't know if anyone will notice the spread of wildflowers there its just where I go and what I do.

[Hubby]

I think the grave is about the only place I feel close to Margaret. Where I can talk to her, cry, get angry and generally vent Not only is she physically 'there' but she also used to go there every week as she is in he same grave as her father and her aunt and uncles are in the next grave.

There are other places with meaning but none secluded enough to let everything out without attracting too much attention. I'm hoping as time goes by I will be able to visit the grave alone without it launching me into the depths.

[Hubby]

Usual day in work. Pretty busy. It was counselling day today so I set off at eleven to get there for my twelve o'clock appointment. Driving along I was listening to a Radio four and it was a program where different people were discussing their experiences of being with a loved one when they died.

Common sense would tell me I would find it upsetting and to turn it off but I found myself fascinated by the subject and wanting to know if others experiences were the same as mine so I drove on until the tears started flooding out and I had to pull over. I was so angry at myself for being do stupid as to carry on listening I nearly smashed the radio as I bashed the off button with my fist.

I turned up at counselling already upset and there were lots of tears as well as memories from Margarets final hours that I had blanked out. Maybe it was a good thing I listened, maybe not. I can't decide. After that it was a fairly mediocre day.

[Hubby]

Another mediocre day. A bit tearful this morning but that quickly passed. Managed to keep myself occupied in work and finished too late to be bothered cooking so chippy tea. 

Didn't do anything sfter that and had a little cry but nowhere near as bad as it could be.

They are making me take a day off work tomorrow. (If I work more than 13 days in a row it causes all kinds of problems with HR). Not wanting to sit around moping I've arranged to look after little Ollie in the morning. I'm really looking forward to it and dreading it at the same time. I'll have to keep him amused for hours and not let him out if my sight. I just hope he doesn't need a nappy change. The last one I did was over thirty years ago. 

[Emz2014]

Good luck with the babysitting.    xx

[Norma]

 

Poor Ollie, but dont worry Hubby 30 year ago they were nappies,  No pins involved with a nappy change now 
Good luck you will love it xxx

[Karena]

 :rofl:oh for the good old days terrified man with nappy pin in hand trying to hold wriggling baby with the other.Then just when it seems to be all over baby stands up nappy falls off.
Don't worry hubby you will be fine and if all else fails a buggy ride to the park,the long way round can take ages (especially if you walk slowly )

[Hubby]

Thanks all. I used to be quite good with the wet nappies but I have only ever changed one pooey one in my life.

It was when my eldest was a few weeks old and was the first time Margaret wasn't woken first by the baby crying at 3am as she was so tired. I decided to have a go to let Margaret sleep. I undid the old nappy then noticed the changing stuff was about six inches beyond my reach. So I let go of my daughters feet for just a second after all, what could possibly go wrong.?

After we had changed the bed and put the duvet cover in the washing machine Margaret banned me from ever doing it again. 

This morning was great. We watched telly, we played, he tried to destroy everything, we went to the market, we shared Banana and vanilla loops then Ollie had a little nap before going home. It was hours of laughter. The only problem was stoping billy from trying to lick him all the time. Much to Billy's annoyance. Only one wet nappy to change and that was taken care of by my daughter.  After Ollie left I was worn out so I had a nap as well.

There were a few sad moments as I imagined how Margaret would have enjoyed being with him but they were soon put out of my mind by Ollies antics.

I havent done much since and I did have a little cry earlier this evening but it's been a day of half frantic mayhem and merriment and half recuperation. Can't wait till the next time.

[Emz2014]

Well done hubby! :-) Little ones really do help.  If it wasnt for my nephew and niece think I'd struggle alot more with Christmas xx

[Julie Magson]

Good for Ollie- giving you all that joy! I bet you were exhausted!

[Brian71]

Reminds me of 40yrs ago when Jo our daughter was born,  I collected Ann and our newborn from the hospital, but next day Ann was complaining of pain in the calf of her leg.  Because you were in/out quickly, 24 or 36hrs only,  back then a local midwife or some medical carer used to come and check on you at home, and she phoned for an ambulance to take Ann back into hospital because she had developed a serious thrombosis in her leg.

However the hospital would not allow Ann to take the baby back in with her,   which I know sounds strange...but it's true.    So I had to have the week off work,  and had to care for Jo who was 2 days old, change her nappies/feed etc, and AYS these were the old proper nappies back then.    I remember how worried I was about dropping off to sleep in case I didn't hear her cry,  so I lay on the lounge floor for a few days,  surprising what you can do when you put your mind to it.

Fortunately,  after 5days and pressure from the midwife/carer who had been popping in to check on me,  the hospital relented and allowed Ann to have the baby back in hospital with her.   (Ann could not breast feed our last child, so it was a case of making up the bottle)   I've never needed a lot of sleep, but was frightened to drop off to sleep those few days....lol,  but yes changing and washing nappies was a little daunting, though obviously I'd had a little practice with the 2 boys.

[Hubby]

Thanks all. I don't know how I would have coped with s tiny baby Brian. I have always been terrified to pick them up when they are new born.

I upset myself last night over, of all things, bubble bath. For some reason I spotted two big bottles of the stuff Margaret used to get from Avon. She would put it in the sink when she got a WAH in the morning and it would constantly annoy me that he dink would be full of bubbles afterwards. She had just used it when she suffered the aneurysm. It's been there untouched ever since. I spent quite a while crying and smelling the ruddy stuff.

I've had a pretty long and hard day in work today and done precious little else but no crying yet. I'm really tired though

[Hubby]

Fairly good day.

I had a bit of a lie in, I went to he grave with my youngest, managed to do a tiny bit if gardening before billy got himself so rotten I had to bath him then I managed to do a pretty near perfect chicken dinner. Oliver then had us all laughing for hours with his antics.

After everyone had gone and my eldest went to bed I got to thinking how much I would have liked Margaret to have been there and had a pretty intense cry but I reckon enjoyable days will have a bit of a backlash for quite some time.