Four days

[Soleil]

Hi Hubby,

I think it sounds like a very good day.  A trip to the pub for a chinwag even if you got a bit wobbly sounds like just the medicine, work can wait a day. You need to relax and enjoy yourself a bit too.  I hope you have a good Monday whatever you are doing. It's nice to have balance in your day.  I'll say Cheers with a cuppa but you can pretend it's your favourite brewski.

 

p.s. that curry sounds good 

[Brian71]

Good to hear yesterday was not too bad a day for you Hubby,  I note you mentioned the land registry,  I've not notified them as yet, do I need to do so ?   they are probably the only people I have not notified that my wife passed away in April, as our home was obviously registered in both our names at the land registry in St Annes.  Maybe I need to.

[Julie Magson]

eek no I haven't done anything about the land registry either- what exactly are we supposed to do?!?

[Brian71]

Well I'm not sure if we need to Julie,  I assume one would have to notify the Land Registry people in St Annes, Lancs.  and supply a copy of the death certificate, so the property shows just your own name on the deeds.  I will make enquires see whats involved,  Hopefully it can be done direct rather that through solicitors, indeed thats if we need to do anything at all,  which was why I noted Hobby's mention of the Land Registry...  perhaps he can shed a little more light on it, if he has done this himself. ?

[Julie Magson]

Thanks Brian- I would be very interested to know.

[Karena]

You do need to to save complications in the future but you need probate or letters of administration to apply.you can get the form online direct from their site and pay the fee direct.But if you already have solicitors sorting the estate they will probably do it as part of the service.

[Hubby]

Thanks for the replies.

I have to go through the land registry as the properties were owned solely in Margarets name. We have the grant of probate and changing the name on the property will be the final step in completing her will. I don't know what the state of lay would be over joint ownership but I would imagine it wouldn't need to be too much of a rush job.

Today I've been really busy. I did lots of little jobs in work in the scorching heat (Wasn't it glorious?). On the drive home I started crying for no apparent reason.

When I got home, realising I was getting upset I decided to keep myself busy. I pruned the hedges, mowed the lawn, did a bit of weed killer spraying, made tea and then went on to do a couple of hours painting outside. This kept me occupied but practically the second I stopped I remembered how spotting Margaret in a room would always make me happy and started crying again.

It seems keeping busy is the key to managing but it just presents an illusion of coping by delaying the inevitable.

I actually enjoy a good cry. I cry every night and I feel better afterwards but I would prefer it if it happened in a time and place of my choosing. These sudden upsets are doing my head in.

[Karena]

 :hug:sadly we can't chose when those moments will be but in time it becomes easier to work through them and store them up for a private time.Its still early days yet,I know we keep saying that but it really is.

[Hubby]

Thanks Karena.

Don't I just know we can't choose the moments.

Not a bad day today though. Had a little sniffle driving home from work. (For some reason I have started picturing Margaret greeting me when I get home as I drive). When I got home I went to the stonemasons to pay for the inscription. I went to see the stone in the workshop, it wasn't quite finished, they still had to clean up the gold leaf, but it was a little upsetting to see the words carved on there. I will be happier when it is refitted on the grave as it seems very stark without it.

Didn't do a lot after that.

[Soleil]

Hi Hubby,

I'm sure you will have a lot of flashbacks along the way. You'd be surprised when something you'll see or hear can impact you, a smell, a familiar sweater, a name on the news - just part of it all.  Like Karena says, we can't choose when it will happen. Just bring your hankerchief...lol  Keep on truckin' and you'll get there. 

[Karena]

I distinctly remember when I had to move,putting my husbands dressing gown behind the bedroom door and telling myself he was working away.I knew it wasn't true,but it still felt better at the time.Not a trick of the mind or loss of reality, but maybe a defence mechanism.

[Hubby]

Thanks for the replies.

A hanky is one of my 'must have' items now. Previously I only carried one when I had a cold. I still have one if Margarets pyjama tops on a hanger on the back of the door. I give it a stroke on the shoulder when I go past it. Daft I know but it's a small comfort.

Today I did work and then it wasn't counselling appointment. Today we looked at different ways of looking at things and concentrating on the good but, at his point, that seems impossible because the doubts come creeping up on me and there seems no way to stop them. I got s bit upset in the middle of it and managed to sneak a little cry in while the counsellor went out to get some paper.

Meditation classes and a 'bereavement massage' were mentioned but they are a bit new age for me. I might consider them a bit further down the line.

I stopped off to get some shopping on the way home and bought Margaret a little pink flowering plant for her grave. I stopped off at the cemetery and was surprised to find that the stone has been put back on. It actually upset me quite a bit as I wasn't expecting it to be there but the grave looks better now it's back. I can start planning grass and pots and stuff now.

I got home and made tea then went out and did a couple of hours painting. I've still got days of painting to do and want to get it done before Autumn. Then I made a salad for my dinner tomorrow in work. It's a bit cheaper than buying one ready made.

So just a few little cries which makes it another one of the better days.

[Hubby]

Not much to report today. Went to work, forgot the salad I made last night so I had to buy one for my lunch. I then had to eat the other salad for tea so now I know what it's like to be a rabbit. I didn't do any jobs when I got home and then, at around half past six, I started crying. No trigger, the tears just started pouring out. Realising it was one of those setbacks you just have to cry out I decided to have s bath and go to bed. I'd been half expecting it really.

[Soleil]

Good for you Hubby,
Sounds like you're trying to roll with it. That's the best approach. Always expect the unexpected and know it won't last. Sorry about the salads, look on the bright side, you won't gain any weight that way.  I have a funny little story. I have been taking anti depressants for about 6 months (I am also a crier) I was in the pharmacy getting my prescription renewed so I always walk around while I'm waiting to see if there's anything I need. Just by chance they had a 6 pack box of Kleenex tissues on sale so I decided to buy it for any future needs through the winter since they will last a long time. I went to the counter for my rx and put the 6 pack of kleenex on the counter. It crossed my mind when I got back home that - how must that have looked - buying the a-d's and 6 boxes of Kleenex. They must think I cry all day. Anyway I had a good chuckle to myself.  So you have a good tomorrow.

 

[Rosaleen]

Jakers, that made me chuckle too.