Four days

[Hubby]

The memorial service was horrible. I only got as far as the end of the first hymn before it got too much and I had to walk out. A nice lady came out to comfort me but I would rather have been left alone. Afterwards I took my daughters for a meal in a restaurant we used to go to with Margaret. It was pleasant enough though there were a lot of memories of happier times running round in my head.

I'm home now and planning an early night in readiness for work tomorrow.

Look after yourselves.

[rajahh]

To me a memorial service is too similar to a funeral.  I was asked if I wanted one fir my daughter and grand daughter when they died as the funeral was where I live and she lived in a different county and tge villagers wanted a service. I thought about it but the funeral was bad enough so I said no.

I honestly am not surprised you had to come out.

Sounds like a step back today but tomorrow you will take another step or two forward.

Jeannette

[Soleil]

Hi Hubby,

Sorry that you didn't make it through. These things happen and you need to do only what you can do. You have Margaret in your heart so the memorial service would not have really changed that. These things are so hard for the family and no one can know how hard unless they have been through it.  Hope tomorrow is a good day at work.   More hugs for you   

[Spaicer]

Hope tomorrow is easier than today 

[Hubby]

Thank you all for the replies 

Had a big cry last night and another this morning. Drove into work, had a cry in van outside. Did not a lot then had a cry. That memorial service has really knocked me back.

I was a bit better after lunch and had a drive around collecting things which was at least useful. I visited a friend on the way home, walked the dog and went shopping. I was doing OK till I got to the card aisle and there it was. A little card saying 'to my husband on fathers day'. I say a little card but to me that line might as well have been in 6 foot flashing neon. There I was bawling in the middle of ASDA again. I hate it when that happens.   

I finished the shop and went home and cooked tea. I was going to fix the hole in the living room floor but I cant be bothered now. We'll have to keep 'walking the plank' until I get motivated.

[Karena]

 :hug:sorry you had such a bad time maybe a memorial service is worse because often at the funeral we are still in a state of shock and even subconsciously thinking it has all been some kind of mistake.
Those little unexpected triggers like the card can catch us out at anytime but over time I think they become easier to handle you still get that initial moment of shock thought but it becomes easier to walk away without crying although I tend to go silent for a while especially if its something someone says.

[Hubby]

Thanks Karena. I don't handle surprise  triggers well at the moment. I'm OK talking to people and stuff but things like the card really bowl me over.

Not much to report today. Yesterday and today I have been giving a workmate a lift into work and they have found s little job for me to do where at least I can keep myself occupied and can see I have done something at the end of the day. I'm fine if I keep myself busy but seem to be more sad when I stop doing things. It's as if I have to fit so much sadness into a day and the less time I allow for it the worse it is. Does that make sense? 

Last night I was so down I didn't go on the Internet at all and gave up on doing the floorboards. I got a joiner in today and he did the job in ten minutes.

On the plus side I'm getting better at cooking so there's less crunching on black stuff at tea time.

Take care everyone.

[Hubby]

Not too bad today. Picked up workmate and drove him to work, did my little tidying job and came home. Made tea and had a good clean up in the bathroom. Only a few little weeps so far.  Not bad at all.

Hope the rest of you had decent ones.

[Emz2014]

Hope your eve goes ok too  xx

[Norma]

Hi Hubby, it was good to speak to you in chat the other night, and so glad you got your floorboards done, you would not believe the mental picture it brought into my head lol. Glad youve had a better day, hope to see you in chat again xx

 

[Hubby]

Cheers emz and Norma. Replies much appreciated.

I like going on chat but it's difficult on my iPhone and the Internet on my PC is s bit patchy to say the least.

I was off work today but kept busy by General stuff that had to be sorted.

At teatime we had a bit of a crisis that eventually involved all the family and a lot of talking and tears. My eldest daughter has finally let me know that she has been diagnosed as having PTSD after Margarets death. She had tried to keep it from me, probably to stop me worrying, but the way it makes her behave was driving me mad. At least I now know what is behind it and can be more understanding.

[Soleil]

Hi Hubby,

I'm sorry about your daughter being traumatized after Margaret's death and having PTSD. Maybe the good news is that it has been diagnosed early and the treatment will be more effective.  You certainly have a lot on your plate. Yes it was nice having you on the chat - always nice to see people from the forum but not always feasible with iphone and we have all had some challenges with internet.  Hope you have a good weekend and continuing with the hugs 

[Karena]

My daughter had PTSD not for the same reason,it took a while but she is fine now.Hopefully she will get the support she needs from professionals now too.

[Spaicer]

Sorry for my ignorance but what is PTSD?

[Soleil]

Hi Spacier,

PTSD is Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.