Four days

[Hubby]

Cheers for the replies.

Another fairly decent day with just a few sobs dotted around. I went out for breakfast, did a bit of shopping and spent the entire afternoon up a ladder painting. Chippy tea and walked the dog. Quite productive really.

I did speak to my doctor about coming off the Prozac and it's a good job I did. Apparently if I just quit like I have there will probably be a massive rebound effect that could knock me back to square one. The doctor would like me to keep taking them for at least a few months before weaning myself off them. He has given me a note for s phased return to work which means I'll probably be on days shuffling paper in the office for a few weeks.

On another tangent I am getting a bit worried about not hearing anything from the solicitors handling probate or about my hospital complaint. I expect letters every morning but never get any. I'm beginning to think the dog is eating them before I get up.

[Soleil]

Hi Hubby,

I'm so glad you saw the dr. and will get good advice. Nice that you had a productive day. Sometimes that makes us feel a bit better. Yes, dogs can grab at things. My dog Jakers has a habit of teasing me with something usually a slipper and sometimes a piece of paper that I may have written on. He's so harmless and has a look on his face 'come and get me' then he's off. Also if I'm in the bathtub, he loves to come to the door with something naughty in his mouth and then takes off. Very clever and sweet dog.   

Hope you have a good day tomorrow. 
 

[Hubby]

Thanks jakers.

Not such a good day today. Woke to find an email from work to update next of kin details on their database. It was a general thing and in no way aimed at me but that doesn't stop it hurting. Had a good cry at that

Had breakfast and visited some of Margarets friends then did a tiny bit of painting, went to Costco with a workmate and then went to the local supermarket. Then got really down and even forgot yo walk the dog.

I've been miserable all evening and cried my eyes out after my daughter went to bed. Started having really negative thoughts again. Looks like I've caught my next wave.

 

[Soleil]

Hi Hubby,

I was working on my computer when I saw your message. I'm afraid this is how grief works it will be ups and downs for a while. You must remind yourself that you are still in early days. Yes, these waves will come and go for some time. Just try and roll with it and remember you have this forum to come to when you need a little extra support. Grief is truly like nothing else I have found but you are doing fine so just keep plodding along best you can. 

 

[Emz2014]

Sending a hug    remember to be gentle with yourself xx

[zebedee]

Hiya.

Im so so terribly sorry to hear of your loss.
I too have made a hospital complaint and it's taking them time too, I guess they have to look into absolutely everything. I wasnt quite sure if it was the right thing to do or not...drudging it all up and for what??... but its the last word I could have for my dad, I owed it to him. I hope you get some answers soon.
much love x x x

[Hubby]

Thanks all. Its nice to know I'm not alone in this.

I am on a bit of a downer today. Got up really late and couldn't be bothered doing anything. I managed to feed myself and walk the dog but that's about it. Had a few cries but only lasting 5 minutes or so then back to being quietly miserable.

Got a letter from the church inviting me to a memorial service for Margaret next weekend. I think it's just some generic thing for everyone who's had a funeral in the past few months and I must be close to the worlds most dedicated atheist but I might pop along.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better. I've got a lot of things that need doing.

[Karena]

Hi hubby.its those little things that knock us back we just arnt prepared for them and changing next of kin details is probably something we don't even think about until someone asks.
I don't think it matters if you are an atheist the service will be about respect and memory's of margaret and that is the important thing.

[phoenixrising]

Hi Hubby

Just wanted to say be easy on yourself and send a 

Hope tomorrow is better than today for you.

[Hubby]

Thanks for the replies.

Pretty bad day yesterday. Still don't really feel up to writing about it yet. Might do later.

 

[Karena]

 :hug:sorry you had a bad day.

[Hubby]

Thanks Karena.

First yesterday. It started off not too bad. I got up, made breakfast for my eldest and her boyfriend who were over. Went to the market with billy the Jack Russell. My daughter and her boyfriend went for a day out and my youngest came around with her boyfriend and my grandson. She was excited and told me that her boyfriend had proposed and she had accepted. She was showing off the ring and smiling and I should have been delighted, well I was delighted deep down, but it wouldn't come out. All I could think about was how made up Margaret would have been and how she would have set about arranging a celebration meal and probably a big engagement bash. It was all I could manage to squeeze out a "congratulations". I took them out for breakfast and after that they set off on a shopping trip.

I had a bit of a cry, mowed the lawn, and my eldest returned. She had bought presents and a card, something I should have done but it didn't even enter my mind. Margaret would have sorted that sort of thing.

While they went next door I took the dog to the grave to tell Margaret the news. When I got there it hit me how much she did for us and I sat there sobbing for a good hour. When I got home my eldest and her boyfriend went to the chippy to get tea. Then I got a phone call. My eldest had had a epileptic fit And hadnt come out of it fully and went into another instantly. An ambulance had been called. He boyfriend went to hospital with her. Margaret would have gone straight down but I couldn't bring myself to do it. I couldn't see how I will be able to return to work and care for her like Margaret did. I spent the night absolutely wailing.

Her boyfriend came back at 4:30am. She was kept in.

This morning I got up early, I sorted breakfast for me and her boyfriend and we both went to the hospital. As soon as I got there I was overwhelmed by the reminders of when Margaret was taken in and cried my eyes out. I really hate that place. They reckoned she had longer fits because of stress and anxiety. They called the critical care team (it was the same people who saw me a few weeks ago). They want her to have counselling at the same place I am waiting for mine. They also want to call in social services to arrange care while I'm at work.

She got out at about 6 tonight and we returned home and have just had tea.

And that's the past two days. Ive been really low and everything seems so difficult. I'm dreading work on Monday.

[Spaicer]

So sorry things have been so hard for you the past few days 

[Soleil]

HI Hubby,

Just dropping a note to wish you luck going back to work. Let us know how it goes.   

[Karena]

Hi hubby bad day all round.my youngest got married last year and I was glad for her but also sad that I would be going on my own,mix in a dose of shyness and I really wasn't looking forwards too it.I gave myself a role which was to keep an eye on the kids and transport them,which did help,but all these things I,m afraid can be difficult.you shouldn't be thinking you are useless though,we have roles in a marriage and negotiating the role of the one who has died takes time,I still struggle with paperwork or making phone calls even after all this time it requires a real effort,
Going back to the hospital is also a nightmare I thought I had conquered that one,but not too long ago I visited someone and ended up having to walk past thee ward,when I say walk I ended up running to get out in the fresh air and avoid the full blown panic attack.
Of course you can't be at work and look after your daughter but if social are offering help grab it then it can be something not on your mind while you are trying to concentrate on the job.
You are doing well and you are doing the best you can for the familly please don't be hard on yourself you have no cause too.