BEREAVEMENTUK SUPPORT FORUM
Bereavement Support Posts => Please Post In This Bereavement Support Posting Room => Topic started by: BT on September 13, 2016, 06:54:49 PM
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does anyone else have days when they feel the world is a much lonelier place and moments of desperation ? I felt that way today.
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Yes BT very frequently. I have never known such loneliness, all part of the ups and downs we are going through.
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Absolutely BT, all the time...
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Yes BT, I had loads of those. I could even be with my partner or friends and feel so deeply alone inside. (Not their fault, just the emotions i was dealing with).
I found the forum a comfort as others here understood and I could open up
It will get easier, just take it one step at a time :hug: and we're always here xx
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Some days I feel I am better then I feel rock bottom again thanks everyone for sharing. :hug:
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Yep me too - and then every now and again a little bright spot in the day comes along. My youngest grandson has just started secondary school and today, after school he came round and had tea with me to tell me all about his day. Always gives me a big hug as he's going (when he hasn't got his mates with him :smiley: )
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It seems to be the the way grief works to have ups and downs. Good days, bad days, days that start good and turn bad, days that start bad and turn good and days that we don't know how we are going to feel from one minute to the next.
If only we could know in advance what kind of day we would have it would make it so much easier to plan ahead.
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Yes loneliness is the dreadful place I struggle mostly with. I have lost my Mum, Dad and Brother over the past 10 years and then my husband of 34years last December. The fact of my not being 'special' to anyone else in the world eats away at me. The feeling that no-one is bothered if I don't get home on time, or interested in what I've felt or done in the day is unbelievably hard. Yes I have friends I can talk to about stuff but its that deeper level of connection with someone who knows so much about me (good and bad) that I find weighs heavy almost all the time and which of course is irreplaceable. How we get through this process is quite extraordinary, but as people on here say, somehow it gets better or at least easier to live with so that's a reason to keep going x
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Yes you say it so well Angela. The one person who loved me in that special way is gone and I will never be anyone's number 1 again. I often think if I fell or was ill nobody would know, especially at the weekends as I do work during the week.
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Yes never felt so alone even when I'm with people I'm still lonely without my husband xx
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I struggle every day with loneliness - waking up and remembering AGAIN that my husband is not here and hasn't just popped out or gone away for a few days he is gone forever. The hardest of things to really accept. Not only am I missing the comfort and familiarity of his company and the part he played in my life but I am also lonely for our future, the relationship that might have been - all the things we might have done or become and how we might have grown together into full old age. As a lot of you say, the loneliness is not something that is taken away by being with friends or in the company of others, though of course, friendships and company are great things and can bring huge comfort sometimes. I was so unprepared for the many ways that grief and loss would affect me. But 10 months since John died and I am better than I was and still moving forward so despite getting ambushed by grief when I least expect it, I keep going in hope.
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It is a different type of loneliness as you say Angela.
It is only now that I have lost her that I realise exactly how much Margaret influenced every part of my life even when she was not there.
Damn. Just typing that has set me off for the first time today :cray:
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Really sorry that your reply to my post sent you into tears Hubby. I have been so enjoying reading how you responded to the Leeds visit and how you and everyone there made the day special for each other. I am sometimes like a football fan on the sideline reading people's posts and hearing what great steps forward they are making - 'YAAAAAAAAAY y'all, well done you.' But tears can oil the wheels and help us move forward. Doesn't make them ok though does it. I've been wobbling around today, feeling a bit bonkers really after a period of managing reasonably well, as today is 10 months since the date my husband John died and I have felt his absence from my life so deeply today. As you say, you don't realise what a profound influence our loved ones have on our lives until fate snatches them away from us.
Anyway tomorrow I begin an eight week course of Mindfulness training which I hope will help me to ground myself in the present and live in reality. It does seem to be a really helpful way of thinking/being for a lot of people so I'm hoping it will be another level of support for me.
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No need to be sorry Angela. As you pointed out in your previous post grief has always got a little ambush lined up for us, normally when we least expect it. If it hadn't been while typing the reply it would have been something else. I find a few tears here and there can help 'keep it real' as it were and remind me that actually I am mainly doing OK even though I'm still grieving.
Please let me know how the mindfulness thing goes. It was recommended to be by my counsellor but I have not looked into it yet.
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Will do Hubby
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I do mindfulness too- it can be very helpful. Hope it brings you many benefits Angela X
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Oh thanks for that Julie - good to know that you've found it helpful x. Will report back!
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The thing i have found with up days -like leeds for example is the anticlimax the day after seems to be more amplified than the normal post holiday blues used to be.But i figure the up days are definitely worth it.
I tried mindfulness -problem was it was an online course done in lunch hours at work as i dont have a pc at home, so being constantly interupted meant i couldnt really follow it. but i got given a really interesting cookery book written by people working in a budhist retreat which brings mindfulness into cooking -who would have thought peeling potatoes is a mindful activity,or Kale in soup remind you of a summer meadow - but suprisingly it can be really therapeutic.
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It must have been tricky doing mindfulness at work like that - a bit of an extra challenge! Great thing about it seems to e the way it can apply in all areas so I really get including it in cooking and eating. Years ago someone gave me The Self Healing Cookbook which was based on macrobiotic foods but also had the mindful approach to food prep etc.
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Yes and one of the exercises concentrates on when we are out walking and feeling a bit vulnerable and unsteady (which is how I am at the moment) and it shows you how to concentrate on the feel of the pavement under your feet and the action of putting your foot down and how it feels- what can you smell, what can you see etc. It does work by distracting the mind from where it wants you to go.
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My cooking has turned into my mindfulness, I get really absorbed in it and find it so calming and relaxing
The app called Headspace is worth a try, the first 10 weeks are free and it is little portions of guided mindfulness. May be worth a try, especially before bed perhaps :-) download for free from the playstore on an android phone or tablet xxx
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My cooking has turned to anything but mindful lately.fridge freezer went on the blink while I was away at the weekend,so last night was mindless beans on toast,tonight was going to be poached egg on toast,but I managed to spill the whites while transferring them to the pan.so was toast with a dab of egg yolk .Did spot a couple of courgettes in the garden though and theres some varietys of beans in tins so tomorrow night I will be mindfully creating a casserole.That's if the frost or a big fat slug don't get there first. :rofl:
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:grin: :laugh: :rolleyes:
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Awww no karena!! Hope you get there first! Look forward to hearing how the casserole goes :hearts: xx
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Don't give the slug a chance. Grab your torch and get those courgettes indoors.